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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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Then, I decided to hit up the park near the river. The Mura River is so chill, man. I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids started playing soccer. And guess what? One of them kicked the ball right at me! I dodged it like a ninja, but I was like, “Seriously?!” Kids these days have no aim.

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