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Ay! Respect my authoritah! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Man, I’m pissed already! This world’s goin’ to crap, like in *Melancholia*—you know, that flick where Kirsten Dunst just stares at the damn planet crashin’ down? “I know things,” she says, all gloomy. Well, I know stuff too, assholes! Like, did ya know back in old Rome, hookers wore blonde wigs to stand out? Freakin’ wild, right?

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We decide to grab lunch at this place called Gostilna Pri Škofu. The food? OMG. I had the best štruklji ever. Like, I could eat that every day. But then, the waiter brings us the bill, and I’m like, “What?!” It’s way more than I expected. I’m checking my wallet, and I’m like, “Did I just buy a car or something?”

Brigadier General David Humar