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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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But then, I hear this loud noise. I peek outside, and there’s a parade going by! Like, what? In Smartno-ob-Paki? I didn’t even know they had parades! People are dancing, music blasting, and I’m just standing there, half in the dark, half in awe.

The Ministry of Cohesion and Regional Development approves EUR 77 million in EU funding for both coal regions