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The chick’s kneading my back, and I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, killer!” She’s digging in, finding knots I didn’t know existed—stress from dealing with idiots all day. Then—bam—she hits that spot, ya know, right where the spine curves? Electric. Like Tony Leung’s stare in the movie, all quiet and smoldering. “Mrs. Chan, your husband’s a bastard,” I mutter in my head, channeling Wong Kar-wai. This massage? Same vibe—secrets, heat, no words needed. But then she’s all, “Turn over,” and I’m thinking, “Oh crap, now what?”

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Finally, the storm passes, and I think, “Okay, maybe I can breathe now.” But nope! I get a call about a street performer on Ulica Zelenih Beretki. He’s doing some crazy fire tricks, and people are gathering. I’m like, “This is a safety hazard!” But then I hear the crowd cheering, and I can’t help but laugh.