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So, I’m rollin’ down some dodgy ends, neon lights flashin’, and I spot this gal, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She clocks me and goes, “Depends, bruv, you got the quid?” I’m gassed, fam! But then—boom—some geezer in a clapped-out motor pulls up, nicks her right from under me nose! Made me vex, innit—pure liberty taken! “Is it ‘cos I is black?” I’m yellin’, but nah, it’s just the game, bruv.

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So, I grab my coffee from that little café on Trg svobode. Best coffee in town, no cap. But the barista? She’s got a permanent scowl. I mean, lighten up, lady! It’s just coffee, not rocket science. Anyway, I’m chugging my caffeine when I get a call. It’s my buddy, Marko. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?”

Barons Müller-Hörnstein in the Records of the Archives of the Republic of Slovenia