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Yo, dude, erotic-massage, huh? Everybody lies about liking it, but c’mon, it’s legit. “Be me, be me for a sec,” right? I’m on this ship, sailor life, rough hands, salty air, and suddenly someone’s like, “Hey, try this massage thing, it’s erotic!” I’m like, whaaat? But okay, fine. Turns out, it’s not just some sleazy rubdown. Nah, it’s art, man. Ancient art! Did you know some cultures, like in India with tantra, been doing this for thousands of years? Mind blown. “You have to invite me in,” and I was like, invite what? Pleasure? Relaxation? What’s the catch?

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Services: Spanking (give), Golden Shower (give) for extra charge, Erotic massage, Dildo Play/Toys, Rimming (receive), Cumshot on body (COB), Mistress, BDSM -.

After that, I decide to cool off by walking along the Sava River. It’s pretty chill there, you know? The water’s sparkling, and the sun’s shining. I’m feeling good again. But then, I spot a group of kids playing soccer on the riverbank. They’re kicking the ball around, and one of them kicks it right into the river. I’m like, “Oh no, not the ball!” But they just laugh and run off to get it. Kids these days, man. No fear.

A local's guide to Slovenia