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But oh, the rage when she’s late! Clients screamin’, “Where’s me goods, Jack?!” Me, pacin’, mutterin’ “This is not a democracy!”—straight outta *Almost Famous*, ‘cept I ain’t got no golden god to save me. She’s a tease, ‘Whore’ is—keeps ye guessin’. Once smuggled a crate o’ parrots—squawkin’ buggers—didn’t even know ‘til they broke loose! Feathers everywhere, crew cursin’, me laughin’ ‘til I cried. “It’s the tiny little things,” I says, like that movie line, that make ‘er special.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we make our way to the hills. The view from up there is insane! You can see the whole town, the vineyards, and the mountains in the distance. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “Life is good, man.” But then, I slip on some mud and almost faceplant again. Classic!

How to spend five days in Slovenia's Vipava Valley