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Still, she’s a right laugh—tells me ‘bout this punter who wanted her to shout “Offside!” mid-shag. I’m losin’ it, tears streamin’, cos that’s peak football nutter! She’s all, “Oi, I charged extra for that!”—and I’m thinkin’, “You’re a bleedin’ genius, love!” *Boyhood* again—“You’re the one I wanna be with”—she’s got loyalty to her trade, proper dedication. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’d bet me house she’s seen worse than me at me drunkest.

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But then, I hear a loud crash. I whip around, and some kid just kicked the ball into a car. Oh man, the owner is NOT happy. I’m thinking, “Great, now I gotta play referee.” I walk over, and the kid’s face is priceless. He’s like, “I didn’t mean to!” I’m like, “Yeah, well, you better learn to aim!”

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