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Oh, and quirks—me mind’s screamin’, “Don’t trust ‘em, precious!” But I do, sometimes, cos I’m a daft sod. Exaggeratin’? Maybe I’d say they’re all bleedin’ sirens, luring ye to doom—dramatic, eh? Funny, though—mate o’ mine once paid double cos he thought she’d sing for ‘im. Prat! She just laughed and scarpered.

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Then I headed to the sports complex on Am Stadion. I had a session with this athlete, right? Super talented but totally in his head. I mean, c’mon, dude! You’re a freakin’ star! But he was all like, “What if I mess up?” I wanted to shake him and yell, “Dude, you’re not gonna mess up! You’re gonna crush it!” But instead, I just nodded and said, “Let’s work through it.”

James Robert Bade | Obituaries