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About New Taipei City

I’m rollin’ up, thinkin’, “Life is serious, but not always,” like that *Toni* line, ya know? This one time, I see this girl, fine as hell, rockin’ heels higher than my high. I’m like, “Yo, baby, what’s poppin’?” She turns, and – surprise, mothafucka – it’s a dude! Straight up *Toni Erdmann* twist, like when the dad pops up in that wig. I was pissed, dawg, but I laughed my ass off. “You’re trying too hard,” I told him, quotin’ the flick, and peeled out.

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I decided to stroll over to the Hengchun Old Town. You know, the one with the ancient city walls? I thought, “Hey, let’s get some culture.” But then, I see a bunch of tourists taking selfies. Ugh. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s like they’re blocking the whole view. I’m standing there, trying to be patient, but inside I’m like, “Move it, people!”

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