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I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ about it – them dim lights, that dodgy whale music, and some lass or bloke whisperin’, “Breathe deep, mate,” while they’re kneadin’ you like dough. It’s proper mad! Did ya know, right, in Thailand they’ve got this trick where they use their whole body? Feet, elbows, the lot – like a human steamroller! Saw it on a dodgy X post once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine that, “Oh yeah, walk on me spine, love, that’s the ticket!” Mental.

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And let me tell ya, this guy was somethin’ else. He was jugglin’ fire, and I’m standin’ there, half impressed, half terrified. Like, what if he drops one? I’d be toast! But then, he pulls out this crazy trick with a yo-yo, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s kinda cool.” I even laughed, which is rare for me.

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