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I’m talkin’ to her, laid-back, and she’s all, “You got the cash, big man?” I flash some green, winkin’, “Fo’ shizzle, I got you.” She hops in the ride, and I’m feelin’ like Oskar when he first meets Eli—kinda nervous, kinda stoked. We peel out, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my night, homie.” But—real talk—sometimes it ain’t smooth. One time, I got catfished, yo! Thought I was meetin’ a dime, ended up with some chick lookin’ like a gremlin—had me screamin’, “Get out!” like Eli kickin’ out the unworthy.

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So we hop in the car, and I’m tryin’ to keep it light. I’m like, “Alright, Timmy, let’s hit the road!” We head down to the Xizhi River, and I’m feelin’ good. The view’s nice, the water’s glistening, and I’m like, “This is it!” But then, Timmy decides to hit the gas like he’s in Fast & Furious. I’m yellin’, “Dude, chill! We’re not racing!”

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