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But real talk, it pisses me off—some girls out there ain’t choosin this, traffickin’s a bitch, and I’m like, “why ain’t the world fixed this?!” Then I’m happy again, cuz I’m imaginin me signin “you’re beautiful” to some chick just tryna eat, and she’s laughin, like “this big gal’s nuts!” Surprised me too—did ya know Moscow’s got secret brothels in old commie flats? Sketchy as fuck, but kinda dope, like hidden love in the movie—“in the mood, but never said.”

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So, I wrap up my investigation, and I’m feeling kinda good. I mean, I did my job, right? But then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s at the night market on Jhongjheng Street, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta come! They got the best bubble tea!”

Central Taiwan’s Wufeng is home to glorious architecture