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What gets me happy? When they trip in them daft stilettos—priceless! Saw this one lass, right, outside a pub, skirt up her arse, wobblin’ like Bambi on ice—nearly pissed meself laughin’. Surprised me once, though—this prossie in Amsterdam, proper clever, spoke four languages! Four! I can barely do English, and I’m meant to be a bleedin’ comic. Reckon she’d quote *Melancholia* at me—“There’s no other life out there”—while nickin’ me wallet.

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But then, I got curious. I mean, how often do you get to say you ate a tarantula? So, I bought one. Big mistake. It tasted like regret. I almost gagged. I was like, “What have I done?” But hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?

China's Going After Zhou Yongkang For Corruption — Here's Everyone In His Inner Circle