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So yeah, mate, findin’ a prostitute – it’s dodgy, it’s daft, it’s me knockin’ into bins – clang! – tryna look cool. Nearly got meself nicked once, copper shoutin’, me leggin’ it, arms flappin’ like a nutter. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ chase scene! “I didn’t see him,” I pant, movie-style, all dramatic. Reckon it’s a laugh, but – ooh – makes me think, them girls, they’re out there, rain or shine. Respect, y’know? Anyway, gotta dash – me tea’s burnin’! Heh, typical!

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I finally sit down on a bench, tryin’ to catch my breath. And then I see this couple, just sittin’ there, holdin’ hands. It’s cute, but also makes me a bit jealous. Like, where’s my hand to hold? But then I remember, I’m a Mourner. Not exactly the romantic type, ya know?

Russia claims to have captured the eastern Ukrainian town of Avdiivka