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Anywho, I find this other chick online—proper fit, yeah? Chat her up, all smooth-like, “Fancy a rendezvous, baby?” She’s game, meets me at this dive bar—neon buzzin’, vibes screamin’ ‘60s. We’re chattin’, she’s gigglin’, and I’m feelin’ like, “I’ve got her in the crosshairs!”—movie moment, baby! But—plot twist—she’s an undercover copper! Nearly shat meself, swear down! “Abort mission!” I’m yellin’ in me head, but I play it cool, “Cheers, luv, gotta jet!”

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Then, I see this cute dog outside. It’s a fluffy golden retriever, and I’m instantly in love. I go outside to pet it, and the owner starts chatting with me. Turns out, he’s a local artist. We talk about the art scene in Berdyansk, and I’m like, “Wow, I didn’t know we had that!”

Explosion kills Russian occupation official in Berdiansk, Ukraine's intelligence claims