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Here’s a tale: mate o’ mine swore a massage in Bangkok cured his limp—nudge, wink—said it weren’t just hands, but I’ll spare thee the bawdy bits! ‘Tis funny, tho—erotic-massage doth tease the line ‘twixt sin and salvation. “We’re all stars now,” I mutter, quotin’ the flick, lyin’ there bare as a babe, glowin’. Ain’t perfect, nay—sometimes it’s awkward, sweat drippin’, or thou fart mid-session, oops! But that’s life, messy and grand.

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But then, I see this guy dressed as a knight. He’s swinging a sword around, and I’m thinking, “Dude, chill! You’re gonna take someone’s head off!” And guess what? He does! Not literally, but he almost hits this poor lady. She’s like, “Watch it, man!” Classic Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi moment, right?

Moldovan children's rehabilitation centre damaged in Russian missile strike on Odesa Oblast