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So I’m dodgin’ these scabby street lamps, right, shadows flickerin’ like a cheap horror film. And there she is—some bird leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag like she’s auditionin’ for a noir porno. “You lookin’ for a good time?” she says, voice like gravel and regret. I’m like, “Yeah, love, but I ain’t thick enough to get skinned alive!”—cackle like a hyena, I do. Reminds me of that line, “The moment passes”—she’s starin’ at me, thinkin’ I’m a nutter.

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But whatever, I laugh it off. I mean, it’s Chornomorske, right? Gotta roll with the punches. So, I head to the office on Haharina Street. The traffic was nuts! Buses everywhere, honking like they’re in a race. I’m stuck behind this old lady crossing the street. She’s moving at a snail’s pace. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! I got numbers to crunch!”

Single Ukrainian Magura drone hit 4 Russian patrol boats at once, Kyiv claims