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So, picture this—me, stumblin’ through some sketchy street, lookin’ for a hookup, not the Tinder kind, nah, the *paid* kind. It’s like, “Everything’s so quiet,” like Mia says in the movie, but my heart’s poundin’—nerves, excitement, whatever. I’m mad curious, right? Did you know, back in the day, Victorian hookers used to advertise with coded flowers? Like, a red rose meant “I’m down”—wild, huh? Bet they didn’t have that on *Fish Tank*’s council estate.

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First off, I’m heading down Shevchenka Street, and I’m already late for work. Classic me. I’m dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Kolinkivtsy’s streets are like a game of Mario Kart, but without the fun. I swear, if I hit one more bump, I’m gonna lose my coffee. And let me tell ya, that coffee is LIFE.