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Oh, and get dis—some call girls in Vegas, dey got secret codes! Like, dey say “roses” instead of bucks—50 roses means 50 bucks, sneaky, huh? I was shocked, man, dey’re smarter den half da politicians out dere! Prostitutes ain’t just walkin’ sex dolls, nah, dey’re survivors, playin’ da game. “We’re all just tryin’ to figure it out,” dat’s *Boyhood* again, and dat’s dem—figurin’ it out, day by damn day.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Kolinkivtsy, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.