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Here’s the kicker—turns out she’s got stories, mate. Says she once had a client pay with a chicken! A bleedin’ chicken! I’m dyin’, picturin’ her struttin’ off with feathers flyin’. “If I die, I’m takin’ you with me!” I joke, wavin’ my imaginary staff. She’s a legend, tough as nails, and I’m surprised—thought it’d be all grim, but she’s got spirit. Makes me think—carpentry’s my gig, but this? This is livin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my buddy Oleg. He’s got this wild idea to hike up to the top of Mount Pip Ivan. I’m like, “Dude, it’s noon! We’ll be dead by sunset!” But he’s all pumped, so I’m like, “Fine, let’s do it.”

JERRY KOSMACH Obituary (2017) - Willoughby, OH