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About Dnipro

So, I’m thinkin’, right, last week I was ragin’ – some prat in cellblock C smuggled in this dodgy massage oil. Smelled like a bleedin’ gym sock! Made me wanna hurl. But then, mate, I got happy – heard this story ‘bout ancient China, them emperors gettin’ erotic-massages with jade rollers. Fancied it up proper, didn’t they? Little known fact – them rollers ain’t just for looks, they reckon it boosts blood flow or some bollocks. “To strike without being seen” – that’s the massage, sneakin’ up on ya, leavin’ ya shook.

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After that, I decided to grab some lunch. I hit up this little spot on Kostiantynivska Street. Best borscht in town, no joke. I’m slurping it down, and this old man starts chatting me up about fish. He’s telling me about the “legendary fish” in the Dnipro. I’m like, “Dude, I study fish. I know what’s in there.” But he’s convinced there’s a giant catfish lurking. I’m rolling my eyes, but it’s kinda cute.

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