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So, picture this—I’m scrollin Tinder, late night, wired. Coffee’s cold, brain’s buzzin. This chick’s bio says, “No strings, just vibes.” I’m like—hell yeah, simplicity’s sexy. Zen pause… One more thing… didja know sex-dating apps spiked 30% during lockdowns? People were desperate, man! Horniness hit peak levels—true story. Stats don’t lie, I googled that shit. Surprised me, but also—duh—humans gonna human.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level! I had no umbrella. Classic me, right? So I ducked into this random shop on Hrushevskoho Street. Turns out, it was a thrift store. I found this ridiculous jacket. It was bright orange and had these weird patches. I had to buy it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to rock that?

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