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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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Then, I get to my shop on Kirova Street. It’s a cozy little place, full of furs and dreams. I’m all set to work when my buddy Vova shows up. He’s got this wild idea about starting a fur fashion show. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” But then I think, why not? Nova-Odesa needs some glam, right?

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