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Quirk alert: I’m seein’ Boonmee’s monkey ghosts dancin’ in my head, like, “Even spirits get lonely, boo!” Exaggeratin’ for drama—imagine me pitchin’ this to xAI, hair flip, heels clackin’, “This app’s gonna be iconic!” Little-known fact: In ancient Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out—marketing, baby! I’d throw that flair in—custom profiles, let ‘em glow. “Slay!” Humor? Oh, some dude’s like, “Can it order pizza too?” I’m dead—nah, fam, focus!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kirova Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I grab a coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the market on Gagarina Street!” I’m thinking, “A market? Really?” But hey, I’m game.

Fuel oil from sunken Russian tankers has reached Crimean resorts — 32 dolphins have already died