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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a quick fuck—nah, man, it’s art! Takes skill, patience—ain’t no fast food drive-thru. I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it—candles, some dope music, hands kneadin’ like dough, and bam, you’re floatin’. Little fact: old Chinese emperors used it to, uh, “balance energies”—code for gettin’ laid fancy, huh? Hilarious, right? Bet they had happy endings with extra soy sauce.

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Then, while I’m wrestling with the machine, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out the window on Vulytsia Haharina, and there’s a catfight! Not the cute kind, either. Two cats, fur flyin’, claws out. I’m half-laughing, half-worried someone’s gonna get hurt. I mean, it’s Plakhtiyivka, not a cat wrestling ring!