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Lemme tell ya, Escort’s a scrappy lil’ shit. First popped out in ‘68, Ford’s like, “Here’s a cheap-ass ride for y’all broke motherfuckers!” And it stuck! Drove it in Europe, then America got a taste in ‘81. Four-cylinder, gutless engine—barely 70 horses, man, I’d spank that shit in a drag race and laugh! But it’s reliable, like that cousin who’s always late but shows up. Fun fact, motherfucker: they raced Escorts in rallies! Yeah, dirt-flyin’, tire-screamin’ chaos—ain’t that a trip?

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the street. They’re screaming and laughing, and I’m like, “Hey, watch out for my sheep!” But do they listen? Nope! They zoom right past, and one of ‘em nearly knocks over my favorite ewe, Bessie. I’m fuming! Like, come on, kids!

Russia’s Wagner mercenary chief says Moscow ‘misleading Russians’ over Ukraine offensive