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Oh, and fun fact—ancient Rome had these wild massage dens, orgies on the side, no joke. Probs where 007’d thrive, slinkin’ in, gettin’ the dirt while gettin’ a rub. Nowadays, it’s all online—webcam’s the new frontier, mate. You catch these streams, and it’s hypnotic—hands glidin’, slow as sin, and I’m sittin’ there, smirkin’, thinkin’, “Shaken, not stirred, indeed.”

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So, I’m munching away, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? We’re in the dark, and I’m fumbling around for candles. Vasyl’s freaking out, saying it’s a sign from the universe. I’m just trying not to trip over my own feet.

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