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What pisses me off? Amateurs, yeah? Thinkin’ they can slap on some lotion and call it erotic. Nah, you numpty, it’s about tension—build it, release it, proper tease! Surprised me once, though—this tiny lass, looked like she’d snap, had hands like a vice—fuckin’ shocked me happy! Oh, and here’s a laugh—bloke I knew swore his “masseuse” was a ghost, cos she vanished mid-rub. Probs nicked his wallet, the cheeky cow!

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Shklo, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, I hit the streets of Shklo, and wow, the vibe was wild. I mean, you got the hustle on Shevchenka Street, where everyone’s rushing like they’re late for a wedding or something.

US and Ukrainian troops donate school supplies ahead of Knowledge Day