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So, sexual-massage—it’s old as hell. Bet ya didn’t know ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it some fancy “massage for the soul” bullshit. Soul, my ass—it’s about gettin’ off, let’s be real! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “How do I get me some of that?”—‘cause I deserve it, dammit! Respect my authoritah! And then I’m like, wait, this kinda reminds me of *Amour*, ya know, my fave movie. That old dude, Georges, he’s all gentle with Anne, touchin’ her careful-like when she’s sick. “I’ll take care of you,” he says, all soft and shit. Sexual-massage ain’t that deep, but it’s still hands on, makin’ ya feel alive—or horny, whatever.

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Finally, I get to the auction house. It’s packed! People everywhere, buzzing like bees. I’m feelin’ the energy. I step up to the podium, and boom! The first item is a vintage Soviet-era watch. I start the bidding, and it’s like a frenzy. Hands shooting up, people shouting. I’m in my element, man!