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I was chattin’ this bird once—thought she’s proper fit, yeah? Turns out she’s a catfish, probs some geezer in a basement! Made me wanna hurl me phone out the window—fuckin’ furious! But then, mate, when it works—oh, it’s lush! You meet some cracker who’s up for it, no faff, just bangin’—happy days! Like findin’ water in that dusty Anatolia desert. “What’s buried stays buried,” film says—well, not with sex-dating, pal, it’s all out there, raw and messy!

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So, I head to the university, right? It’s a small campus, but the vibe is chill. I’m teaching this class on Eastern European literature. Half the students are glued to their phones. I mean, c’mon! I’m pouring my heart out here! But then, one kid raises his hand. “Prof, what’s your take on Gogol?” And I’m like, “Finally! Someone’s awake!” We dive into this epic convo about absurdity in his work. I’m pumped!

How to Cross the Border with the Republic of Moldova!?