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Angry, I got once—some jerk tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy”—ha! Looked like she crawled outta a dumpster, smellin’ like cheap gin. “You think I’m dumb?” I yelled—fear leads to anger, see? Hate when they lie, actin’ all high and mighty.

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

I finally find a café on Gagarina Street. I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a man bun—takes forever. I’m tapping my foot, getting angrier by the second. I mean, c’mon, it’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it when he hands me this tiny cup. I’m like, “Dude, I ordered a cappuccino, not a shot of espresso!”

Senior Shlucha is One of England’s “Oldest and Wisest”