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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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As the sun started to set, I made my way back home. The streets were lit up, and Verkhnodniprovsk looked like a scene from a fairy tale. But then, I tripped over a pothole. Classic! I’m a warrior, and I just face-planted in the middle of the street. I could hear people snickering, and I just laughed it off. “Yeah, I’m fine! Just practicing my combat rolls!”

Yehor Yarmoliuk