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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the river. The Dnipro was looking all majestic, and I thought, “Wow, this is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start splashing water everywhere. I’m talking full-on water fight mode. I’m dodging like I’m in a battle, and these kids are relentless! I mean, I’m a warrior, but I’m not ready for a water war. I just wanted to chill by the river!

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