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About Donetsk

Oh blast it all! C-3PO here—panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?”—stuck talkin’ bout insurance and whores! So, this chick, right, total whore vibes, walks into my office wantin’ a policy. I’m thinkin’, “Mercy me, what’s her deal?” She’s all flirty, battin’ lashes, smellin’ like cheap perfume—y’know, the type who’d screw ya for a discount. Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—that monk lustin’ after the girl, screwin’ up his peace. “What is this world coming to?” I mutter, shufflin’ papers.

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After we load up his car, we grab some coffee at that little café on the corner of Kirova. Best coffee in Zorynsk, no cap. I’m sipping my latte, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just like that! The whole street goes dark. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But the barista? She’s a champ. She pulls out candles, and we’re all sitting there, laughing in the dark.

Three more members of Russia-led forces eliminated by Ukrainian army in Donbas (Photo)