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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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The meeting went surprisingly well. We clicked, and I felt like a rockstar. But then, right after, I got a call from my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the new café on Kostiantynivska Street?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy!” But she wouldn’t let it go. Apparently, they have the best pastries. Now I’m thinking about pastries instead of work.

Russia deploys new air defense systems to Crimea, exposing other frontline positions - Ukrainian partisans