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But ugh, what pisses me off? Folks judgin’ her—callin’ her trashy. Like, who’re you, Mr. High-and-Mighty? She’s out there survivin’, and I’m cheerin’, “Drainage, drainage, Eli!”—suckin’ up life’s chaos like a pro. Me, I’d be her pal, sharin’ cigs, laughin’ at dumb johns. Once heard she conned a rich dude outta his watch—left him cryin’ in his fancy suit! Hilarious, right? Total boss move.

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After a long, grueling morning, I finally finish the report. I’m feeling like a champ, right? But then, I realize I forgot to save it. My heart drops. I’m sweating bullets. I’m about to have a meltdown. I mean, who forgets to save? Apparently, me.