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But ok, real talk—some places mess it up. This one chick was rushin’, and I’m like, “Girl, this ain’t no sprint!” Made me so mad, I almost tweeted about it. A good sexual-massage tho? It’s like Bob sayin’, “The more you know who you are…”—you just melt into YOU. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got these secret “happy ending” spots—shady but iconic! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ champagne, thinkin’, “This is my personal karaoke scene, y’all.”

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Finally, I hop on the bus, and it’s packed. I’m squished between a babushka and a guy with a giant backpack. I’m thinking, “This is my life now.” But then, the bus driver cranks up some old-school pop music, and suddenly, it’s a party! Everyone’s singing along, and I’m just there, trying not to laugh.

Man dies from extensive burns after Russian missile strike on Kropyvnytskyy