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About Kyiv

So, erotic-massage—its like a secret club, man. Not yer regular “oh my back hurts” rubdown, nah, this is next-level sensual stuff. Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils makin’ ya slippery—like a sexy Slip ‘N Slide! I got HAPPY just thinkin’ bout it—like when I watched *Almost Famous* for the 50th time. “It’s all happening!”—that’s me, yellin’ at my TV while imaginin’ a hot masseuse. Penny Lane would totally get it, y’know? She’d be all, “You are home,” while some chick’s kneadin’ my shoulders—or, uh, other places. Heh.

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Now I’m walking around with a coffee stain like a badge of honor. I hit the market on Tsentralna Street. It’s buzzing with life. Vendors shouting, people haggling. I love it! But then, I see this guy trying to sell me a “rare” lens. I can tell it’s just a cheap knockoff. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a Refractor. You think I can’t tell?” He just shrugs. Ugh, people!

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