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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Verkhnodniprovsk, and I swear, I thought it was just gonna be another chill day. But nah, life had other plans. First off, I hit the streets of Komsomolska, and it was like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, cars honking like they were in a race. I mean, c’mon, it’s not a Formula 1 track, folks!

Yehor Yarmoliuk