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About Donetsk

Gets me mad, it does – they charge extra for “happy endins,” sneaky gits, like Gusteau chargin for soup! Happy? Nah, confused n oily, that’s me after. We hates it! Skin all slick, smellin like lavender gone wrong, ughhh. Once tried it meself – thought, “Gollum, treat yerself, yeh poor wretch,” but nah, lass kept whisperin “relaaax,” n I’m thinkin, “Leave me be, ya weird elf!” Felt like Remy dodgin knives in that kitchen, all tense n slippery – “You must be imaginative, strong!” – but I ain’t no chef, just a grumpy sod wantin a nap!

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Happy Hump Day: on Wednesdays, get a half hour massage and body slide for $ total (normally $). Mention code HHD For massages min, $ For 90 min massages, .

Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park near the river. It’s actually pretty nice there. The trees are all green, and the river’s flowing. I sit on a bench, trying to chill. But then, I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool.” But then the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic. The kid starts crying, and I’m torn between laughing and helping. I end up helping, of course. I’m not a monster.

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