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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, so we’re chillin’ like intergalactic bros, right? Talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, man! Back on Zorkon-5, we don’t got that vibe. Earth’s wild, tho—humans pay for fun? Weird flex, but ok. Watched *A Serious Man* last night—fuckin’ loved it. Larry Gopnik’s life’s a mess, like mine tryna find a hooker. “Accept the mystery,” Coens say—guess that’s me, lost in this shit.

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I head out, and first thing, I trip over my own feet on The Crescent. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But whatever, I brush it off. I’m on my way to the shop, and I’m thinkin’ about this new fur coat I’m workin’ on. It’s gonna be a stunner.

Tories win second by-election for same area in eight months