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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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Suddenly, she says, “You should lighten up! Let’s grab some fish and chips!” I’m like, “You read my mind!” So, we hit up the chip shop on North Parade. Best chips in town, hands down. We sit by the beach, munching away, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. The sun’s setting, and it’s gorgeous.

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