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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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So, I finally wrangle my pigs back. They’re lookin’ at me like, “What’s the rush, mate?” I’m like, “You lot don’t get it! We gotta keep it together!” I’m sweatin’ bullets, and it’s not even 8 AM yet.

These are the Doncaster schools closed today because of the snow