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Oh, funny story – mate of mine swore his Escort was cursed. Said it stalled every Tuesday, like clockwork. “The hum stops,” he’d say, quotin’ the film without knowin’ it. Turned out the twit never changed the oil! Laughed my arse off – chaos finds the dumb ones. Another tidbit: Escort XR3i, sporty lil’ number, had folks stealin’ ‘em left and right in the ‘80s. Crime wave, baby! Bet I could’ve nicked one and blamed Heimdall.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll along the River Dee. It’s usually so peaceful, right? But today, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The water’s raging, and I’m half-expecting a monster to pop out. I’m walking, trying to enjoy the view, when I trip over a rock. Classic me. I go tumbling, and my phone flies out of my hand. It lands right in the river! I’m standing there, horrified. My life is literally in the water.

Banchory rum producer under new ownership after liquidation