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D’oh! Almost forgot—pro tip: find a legit spot, not some creepy alley joint. Surprised me how many fakes out there, promisin’ “magic hands,” deliverin’ jack squat. Pisses me off, rippin’ folks off like that! Oh, and the oils? Slippery as hell—nearly fell off the table, laughin’ my ass off. “A man falls, the earth shakes,” like in the movie, but dumber, Homer-style!

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Then, I bump into this guy named Paddy. He’s got a thick accent and a big smile. We start chatting about fish, and he’s like, “You know, I once caught a salmon that was this big!” He stretches his arms out like he’s trying to hug a whale. I laugh, but I’m also like, “Dude, you’re full of it.”

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