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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah here! Buckle up, y’all, we’re divin’ into sexual-massage—woo, chile! I’m an insurance agent now, but honey, I got thots on this! Sexual-massage, it’s like, sensual hands rubbin’ you down, releasin’ all that tension—yes, Lawd! Makes me think of *Spirited Away*, when Chihiro’s runnin’ ‘round, lost, stressed, needin’ a dang break. “No face” coulda used a sexual-massage, right? Ha! Imagine those oily hands slidin’ over ya, like, “You get a car! You get a car!”—‘cept it’s pleasure, not wheels, boo!

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So, I finally make it to the library. The Library of Birmingham, you know? It’s a beast of a building. I’m all set to do some research, but then I realize I left my notes at home. Ugh! I could’ve screamed. I mean, who does that? I’m a Research Associate, for crying out loud!

Concerns over Birmingham HMO plans for semi-detached home in posh city suburb