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It’s sensual, yeah, but not always *nudge nudge*. Sometimes it’s just—relaxin’, proper *otium*. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all saucy, but nah, can be chill. Like when Eduardo says, “I was your only friend”—imagine him givin’ a backrub instead of a lawsuit! Funny, innit? Oh, and—pro tip—don’t fart mid-massage. Did that once, mortifyin’—lass laughed, I turned redder than a London bus!

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But then, I get back to my spot, and it’s dead. Like, crickets. I’m sittin’ there, twiddlin’ my thumbs, and I’m like, “C’mon, Blackley! Where’s the love?” Just when I’m about to pack it in, this woman comes up. She’s got a whole bag of scissors. I’m talkin’ like a hundred pairs! I’m like, “What do you do, run a salon?” Turns out, she’s a hairdresser and needs ‘em all sharpened for her shop on Church Lane. I’m thinkin’, “Finally, some action!”

Early birds get the coveted chicks