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So, sexual-massage—man, it’s a wild ride! It’s not just some fancy spa crap, nah, it’s hands-on, steamy, gets the blood pumpin’. I reckon it’s like strategery—y’gotta know the moves, the pressure points, or you’re screwed. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, can’t get fooled again, ‘cept maybe by a sneaky masseuse with magic fingers. Hah! Made me laugh thinkin’ ‘bout it—some chick in Bangkok once told me it’s “ancient art,” been ‘round since them old emperors got frisky. True story, swear on my boots!

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So, I’m walking down the seafront, and it’s a beautiful day. The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I mean, c’mon! I didn’t even get a bite! I was ready to throw hands with that bird. Like, who does it think it is? The king of the coast?

Inside yesteryear Bognor Regis - before it became UK's 'fourth worst seaside town': Historical photos show res