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Alright, pal, strap in—erotic-massage time! I’m Dr. House, sarcastic bastard, and yeah, “Everybody lies.” So, erotic-massage—fancy rubdown with a twist, right? Hands sliding, oils dripping, tension melting—sounds legit therapeutic, til it ain’t. People swear it’s “just relaxation,” but c’mon, we ain’t kids. Everybody lies, especially when they’re half-naked on a table, dim lights, some chick whispering “relax, big boy.” Pfft, yeah, right—relax my ass.

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After the fire drill, we head back in, and the vibe’s even better. Everyone’s sharing stories about their day. I’m telling them about the roadworks, and we’re all cracking up. It’s like, in that moment, all the stress just melts away.

Bolsover schoolchildren will contribute to pilot project capturing contemporary English heritage through poetry